Fabulous to be female

Beauty and body-image are huge issues for girls and women; it's well established. If you need to be convinced, or if you need to convince someone of the problem, check out these two videos:

Killing Us Softly 4: Advertising's Image of Women

Miss Representation,Official Trailer

The big question that needs to be answered is, What do we DO about it?

My article, 52 ways to Boost Your Daughter's Body-Image, will give you lots of ideas. Check it out.

A quick answer? Get off the grid. Do something that doesn't require (or even allow for) primping and make up/elaborate hair care and do that thing often. Hiking, snow skiing, water sports, horseback riding, motorcycle riding, you name it...

Give your daughter REAL experiences. Spend meaningful time together exploring a new venture, a hobby, or a sport.

Then allow your daughter to primp for other occasions and activities. It's normal (see this article for more on the normalcy of primping).

It's not just girls, boys are concerned with their looks too. But, REALLY.... Girls spend a LOT of time looking in the mirror in the preteen and/or teen years. It's not just your daughter, I promise! There are multiple reasons why a girl is concerned with her appearance:

1. She's  hardwired to care about how she looks. It's probably the female sex hormones that are responsible for the near-universal female desire to check out the mirror.
2. She's bombarded with images about beauty so she's trying to see how she measures up.
3. Other girls are doing the same thing. We are all influenced by the people we hang out with.

Think about it. You moms likely did the same thing. Maybe you still do: walk by the mirror and take a peek. Is everything OK, is there something out of place? Do I need more lipstick? Is my hair sticking out?

Women in ancient cultures had beauty rituals too. Beads, tattoos, hair styles, body paint, and fine clothing are not unique to our century! If your daughter checks herself out in the mirror a lot - she's normal!

As a response to the documentary, Miss Representation, here are five messages all girls need to hear about beauty and beauty products. Please teach girls the truth. Here are five truths I'm very sure of. Please spread the word:

1. A beauty treatment (manicure, new hair color, even surgery) will not make you happy. The treatment may give you a short-lived pick-me-up but it will not satisfy the longing you feel for something "more."
2. Don't try to look like the images in magazines, they are fake. Not even models look that way; the photos are airbrushed and computer altered. 
3. The advertisers of the world would like you to think that their product will make you happy, beautiful, and, somehow, complete. They won't. Products cannot make you happy. Advertisements are designed to get you to buy products; they want your money. 
4. The longing or hunger you feel, inside, for something more, is a longing for connection: connection to other people, to good work, and to goodness itself. Don't try to fill that hunger with food, romance, beauty products, clothing, shoes, or entertainment. It won't work.
5. Real beauty comes from within. Figure out what you love to do and what you are good at; then do more of those things. That will bring you joy and the joy will radiate out, revealing your inner beauty.

The documentary film, Miss Representation, lays out a clear picture of how ideals of beauty, body shape, and sexuality are manipulated and then sold to the public. It's worth watching and its' essential that we respond as well. Most girls and women are affected (and even harmed) by the barrage of beauty and body messages broadcast 24/7; they make real girls and real women feel grossly inadequate.

But here's the thing, the real girls and real women of the world are the real beauties. The real people with REAL personalities are the gems and jewels of the world. They have amazing traits: humor, insight, creativity, curiosity... The airbrushed, computer altered, and pseudo-reality characters are artificial.

It's time we stand up and reclaim our right to our real beauty, our amazing bodies, and our creative and loving spirits. It is our humanity, our realness, even our imperfections, that make us the unique and lovable creatures that we are. It's true for all of us. We are not airbrushed photos. We are not computer altered images and we don't want to be either. We are women.  We are girls. We are real.

The girls of today could use some help. The adult women - moms, aunts, grandmothers, teachers, and neighbors can show girls how to claim the real.  Who's with me? I can show you how - I've been working on it for 15 years and I've learned how to teach girls about their bodies, their strengths, and about beauty. If  we work together we will have a clear and lasting impact.

Next up, a series of blog posts and articles outlining just how to get the job done.

Lipstick.  I use it to remind me of who “I” am; to help me claim my strengths. It works; I leave the house with renewed confidence and I think I stand up a bit straighter after I’ve applied my lipstick. How can a simple tube of lip color do all that? It’s a process.

 First of all I don’t wear just any lipstick. I have my color; I chose it carefully. My color looks good on me and it goes with everything.

I apply my lipstick with care. I open the tube and turn the lower part of the cylinder to expose the colorful stick. I look in the mirror and pay attention as I apply color to my upper then my lower lip. Then I press my lips together to blend the color. One last glance in the mirror assures me that I’m ready to go.

I wear my lipstick just about every time I leave the house. I often wear it to the gym too, which may seem odd. No makeup, barely a brush through my hair but I will probably put on my lipstick.

I use my lipstick as an anchor. As I apply it I concentrate on the moment at hand. I remind myself to live an authentic life; to live the truths and values that I carry with me and know deep in my core. This anchoring helps me stay true to myself and to live my life in a meaningful way. It’s a bit of a spiritual experience, I suppose.

None of the great religions include lipstick application as a ritual or prayer form. Maybe they should. I think many of us need contemporary rituals to remind us of what is good and holy and true in the world; they can provide an anchor. Without regular practices and reminders we too easily get swept up in the waves of the latest controversy or the newest game, show, or electronic “application.” There are so many things that vie for our attention; there are so many messages telling us what we should do and who we should try to be like. It’s very easy to loose touch with who we ARE. So I apply my lipstick and I use the ritual to remind me of who I am.

A simple tube of color, that’s what lipstick looks like. But it can be so much more. Does anyone else have a “thing” with lipstick? I’d love to hear your story or your thoughts!

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