A reader and fan sent me this poem. She thought it belonged here. I agree. When you read the poem, dear ladies, know that it is about YOU!

Phenomenal Woman

by Maya Angelou

Pretty wonder where my secret lies. 
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size 
But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. 
I say, 
It’s in the reach of my arms, 
The span of my hips, 
The stride of my step, 
The curl of my lips. 
I'm a woman 
Phenomenally. 
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me. 
I walk into a room 
Just as cool as you please, 
And to a man, 
The fellows stand or 
Fall down on their knees. 
Then they swarm around me, 
A hive of honey bees. 
I say, 
It's the fire in my eyes, 
And the flash of my teeth, 
The swing in my waist, 
And the joy in my feet. 
I'm a woman. 
Phenomenally. 
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me. 
Men themselves have wondered 
What they see in me. 
They try so much 
But they can't touch 
My inner mystery. 
When I try to show them 
They say they can't see. 
I say, 
It's in the arch of my back, 
The sun of my smile, 
The ride of my breasts, 
The grace of my style. 
I'm a woman. 
Phenomenally. 
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me. 
Now you understand 
Just why my head's not bowed. 
I don't shout or jump about 
Or have to talk real loud. 
When you see me passing 
It ought to make you proud. 
I say it's in the click of my heels, 
The bend of my hair, 
The palm of my hand, 
The need for my care. 
"Cause I'm a woman." 
Phenomenally. 
Phenomenal woman, 
That's me. 

Women,

It’s fabulous to be female. Do you agree? It can be, you know. We too often apply undue pressure to ourselves and expect too much. The result is that we feel less than fabulous.

I wonder why we, as women, so frequently take good care of those around us and neglect our own health and wellness. Here are four ways you should be CARE – ing for you. I hope the CARE acronym will help you remember to apply these actions and activities to your own life:

C - Compassion: be kind to yourself

A – Affirm your inner goodness

R- Resilience: Cultivate resilience so you can bounce back

E- Enlist the help of others; you are not meant to do it all alone

Let me elaborate just a little:

Compassion: I know women who are compassionate to everyone except for that person they regard in the mirror. These women expect too much. You probably are struggling like everyone else with something – something important. Give yourself some slack. Let go of unrealistic expectations and be empathetic – to YOU. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. It’s OK.

Affirm your goodness: Most women I know can affirm everyone around but then stop, again, when they look in the mirror. You deserve to be affirmed. Give yourself verbal credit (“good job!”) for your good ideas, your contributions, and for completing the everyday tasks that you do. Make it a habit to affirm yourself every evening for at least 3 things you did that day – whether they were mundane tasks (which of course no one else wants to do!) or creative endeavors. You made a difference, take credit for it.

Cultivate resilience. Whatever you are struggling with has the capacity to make you stronger and more capable. Stick with it and figure it out. Then celebrate your resilience.

Enlist the help of others. The world is a complex place; it seems to become more complex every day. Ask for assistance; the people you are close to would probably love to lend you a hand with whatever you are working on or need help with.  Reach out to others, share your burdens, and hire help if you can afford to.

You are worth the CARE.

12 year old Daughter: “You are the worst mother. I can’t believe you won’t let me go.” (Her mom refused to allow the girl to go to the mall with a friend who was being driven by a teen who was unknown to the mother.) The girl went to her room, slammed the door closed, and pushed her dresser in front of the door.

Mother of this girl:

“She tells me she’s so unhappy and that she wishes she weren’t alive. I took her to a therapist. The therapist thought she was a great kid. My daughter completely fooled her. What a waste that was.”

What is going on?

I talked at length to this mother. She was rightfully concerned. Her daughter had talked (briefly) about wishing she were dead. The mom took her daughter to a therapist and hoped the therapist would “solve” the problem. The therapist thought the girl was fine.

This mother is going to try another therapist; she wants another opinion. It may be that her daughter is “fine.” It’s very difficult to tell the difference sometimes between a “normal” and an “abnormal” response to puberty, especially when you are dealing with a strong willed child. And this daughter is one of those spirited children that many call “strong-willed.”

Puberty causes immense physical, social, and emotional changes in girls. The daily hormone fluctuations that are normal for a menstruating female are quite difficult for some girls to adjust to.  The hope is that over the next few years this girl will adjust to the social, emotional, and physical changes.

Understanding what your daughter is going through as she transitions from being a girl to being a woman is often difficult - for you and for her. You want her to thrive. You know you have knowledge she needs. Overheard
 When the mother spoke to her daughter, the girl simply responded, "Mom." The conversation ended. The mother said to me, "It's like she doesn't hear me." What is happening here? Is the daughter listening; does she hear her mother? Yes, she hears her mother. She hears every word. She may feign disinterest but there's a good chance she will hold onto the wisdom the mother shared with her. Do be cautious and try not to lecture your daughter. If you do she probably will block you out. Find a different way to share your bits of wisdom. Try telling her a story. Or ask her opinion about something and then share your thoughts. It can help if you talk about things that aren't so directly related to her.  Girls do want to learn from those who have "been there." You have much to offer. Keep talking to your daughter. Keep trying. Much of it does get through. She's likely to pretend that it doesn't but it does.

The girls were shocked by my statement. The mothers all affirmed it. I told the girls (they were 15 years old) that their mothers and I want them to have a wonderful sex life. I asked the mothers if they agreed and they all nodded. The girls were dumbfounded.

We had a lot of ground to cover about sex and dating, about being female, about what a great sex life might be like for them. And cover it we did. The event was the "Dating and Sex, What's the BIG deal?" mother-daughter event that I offer for high school girls and mothers (Yes, together!).

Above all I promised the girls that we would tell them the truth about dating and sex. And we did. The mothers were grateful to have the subject broken open. Everyone participated; there were 32 of us, moms and girls mixed together. There was a lot of wisdom sharing that afternoon. Moms and girls should talk like this more often. There is so much value in bringing the generations together.