Q: What do you teach in the Growing up Female Level I workshop?
A: The Growing up Female Level I workshop is geared towards girls in 4th and 5th grade. The content focus is on body changes girls will experience in puberty. We cover menstruation, breast development, self care, and the wide variations of "normal." Girls handle menstrual care products and become comfortable with those products in a fun and safe environment where they are encouraged to ask questions and handle products.
We conclude this workshop with a strong ritual activity that inspires and empowers both the girls and the women in attendance.
The intergenerational aspect (girls and adult women together) is one of the most celebrated part of this event. I frequently hear back from mothers months and even years after this workshop. The moms consistently relay that attending the Growing up Female Level I event together was one of the best investments they made in the upbringing of their daughter; the shared experience opened up new areas of conversations for them and allowed the moms and girls to have more frequent and more comfortable talks about all sorts of growing-up issues.
Q: Do you teach the girls about sex?
A: Teaching girls about body changes and healthy body function is part of “sex education.” Most people who ask if I teach about sex really want to know if I teach the girls about sexual intercourse. If a girl in the Growing up Female Level I workshop asks about sex or sexual expression, I will answer her question but I do not set out to teach that content in the Growing up Female I workshop, which is designed for 4th and 5th grade girls. In the 14 years that I have been teaching this workshop, no girl has asked about intercourse or other types of sexual expression; the girls are too engrossed in the content we do focus on. I address some content about sexual expression in the next level workshop, Growing up Female Level 2, which is designed for middle-school-aged girls.
Q: What do you teach in the Growing up Female Level 2 workshop? How is it different from the Growing up Female Level I workshop?
A: The Growing up Female Level 2 workshop covers self esteem, body image, media portrayals of the female body, relationships (with boys, parents, and friends) and managing the social and emotional changes most girls face in middle school. I have, in recent years, added a brief segment on sex and sexuality; it is an introduction to the topic. The continuing-education CD program that accompanies the Growing up Female Level 2 event delves more deeply into the subject of sex and sexuality in order to help parents and young teens begin to talk about this sensitive and important topic.
Q: What do you teach preteens and young teens about sex?
A: In my workshops and in my learn-at-home packs, I teach kids the truth. I teach them the basics about the mechanics of sex. I teach about the normalcy of sexual attraction. I teach middle school students about oral sex; most of them already know much of this content; they have already picked it up from the culture. But in the workshop we have a chance to talk candidly and honestly about some of the content they have picked up from friends, from media, and from music lyrics. Girls pose good questions; we answer them honestly. Mothers chime in at times so it's more of a community learning experience and it's quite comfortable. I make a point to acknowledge the media messages the girls have been exposed to along with the sexual promiscuity featured in TV shows and movies. Then I tell young people what the loving people in their lives want them to know: middle school students are too young for sexual contact.
Parents need to know that their preteens and teens are developing as sexual beings; all people are sexual beings. I want girls to be comfortable with that idea. And I want them to learn how to channel their energy into healthy and good activities. Some day they will be sexually active. I ask the middle school aged students I work with to postpone sexual involvement until later in life. There is no rush. I tell the students why it's better to wait yet I acknowledge that some middle school and high school students do become sexually active. It helps to acknowledge these truths.
I include parents in my talks to kids as often as possible. Parent-child conversations are frequently the missing link in sex education. Parents just don't know how to go about bringing up this sensitive subject. The parents I work with want their kids to grow up with healthy values around sex and sexual expression. So I model how to talk about sex. It works. Parents report back to me frequently. They tell me stories about follow-up conversations they had with their kids, after they have attended my workshops and as the teen years unfolded. They tell me that whole new areas of conversation were suddenly open areas they and their kids could talk about. This is good news. Kids today are faced with adult issues; they need trusted adults to confide in and talk to.
Q: You have taught Growing up Female for many years; why did you add the Growing up Male workshop? After all, your website is called Fabulous to be Female. So what's with the male segment?
A: Mothers have asked me for over five years if I would do a segment for boys that is similar to the Growing up Female workshop they have attended with their daughters. I added the Growing up Male offering in response to those requests.
Q: Is your Growing up Male workshop just like the Growing up Female workshop?
A: The Growing up Male workshop is uniquely crafted for boys, boy issues, and the way boys learn. The basic content areas are similar but the workshop format and the process I use with boys is completely different from the process I use with girls. In addition, I use the men in the audience and male speakers to bring the male perspective to life. I have been surprised by the enthusiastic response of families to this workshop; they flocked to the first one I offered - we ran out of materials. And they participated, laughed, and engaged.
Q: Why did you put so much of your learn-at-home content in audio format instead of into a book?
A: People are busy; reading time is limited for many. Audio is more portable; you can listen to audio while you drive your car, while you work out, or while you complete household tasks. In addition, I develop relationships with the people who attend my workshops. The audio format is a little more personal than a book. There is something comforting about a human voice that is familiar (or that becomes familiar!). Therefore, I decided to offer my content primarily in audio format. Maybe a book will come next.
Q: Do you teach abstinence or contraception when you talk about sex to high school girls in your Growing up Female Level 3 workshop (AKA Dating and Sex)?
A: Here is what I teach in the Dating and Sex workshop:
I teach girls the realities of living in a sexual body. We discuss normal body responses and the chemistry of attraction. I tell they girls that they will probably want to have sex one day. I ask them to postpone it. Some of the girls who attend are already sexually active; national statistics tell us that 46% of high school youth are already sexually active. We talk about that too and I help the girls see the upside of waiting. While 46% is a large percentage, it is important to point out and note that a larger percentage, the majority, are not sexually active. And most young people who have been sexually active wish they had waited longer before beoming sexually active. So I acknowledge the reality of teen sex and give the girls some information to consider.
I show the girls what it looks like when a baby is born (Most girls have never seen even a photo of a birth; believe me, this leaves an impression!). We discuss the facts of reproduction, contraceptive failure rates, and we discuss safe vs. safer forms of sexual expression. I share stories from real women and real girls; this is a powerful segment of the workshop where girls get to hear the real expreriences of others without the whitewash of TV or music videos/lyrics. And I share with them what I know about the male perspective and the male sex drive.
I don't teach contraceptive methods but I do acknowledge them. I use the word postponement rather than abstenance. I also acknowledge the realities of teen sex - almost half of teens are sexually active. I think girls are smart enough to make up their own minds; indeed, they must make up their own minds. Personally, I think the longer they wait before becoming sexually active, the better off they are. I make my opinion clear and yet I leave room for the reality - the girls must make thier own decision.
Q: What is it like to have these frank conversations about sex and dating with the mothers present?
A: It's amazing! The mothers nod their heads and add all sorts of interesting and real-life examples. I have been surprised by the comfort level and the affirmations that the mothers have offered to this event. The moms have been grateful to have the subject so openly discussed and the content so clearly presented. The girls have responded well too. They are often a little shocked to realize that their mothers know a lot about sex. This is almost always a funny and fun part of the workshop. Again, as in my other mother-daughter events, the intergenerational aspect of the workshop is one of the best parts of the event.
